I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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