walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
