If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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