So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
