I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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