I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
