That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
