dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
