96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
