I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
