the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
