Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
