I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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