btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
