u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize