filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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