just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
