i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
