i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
