dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
