i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
