Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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