margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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