Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
