STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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