We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
