So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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