I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
