He had one of those small greek statue penises
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
