I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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