Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
