Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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