careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
