When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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