dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
