i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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