So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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