And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
