paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ladies don't puke and tell
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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