I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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