just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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