are you still at the devil's house?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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