you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
