Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
