You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
