I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
