It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
