WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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