I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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