I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
