Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
