It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
