he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize