Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
