i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
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I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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