Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
