i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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