When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
