I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
