remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
