Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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