I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
