He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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