so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
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I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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