You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
